Distracted

This one is a little sketch designed to open up a talk on the distracted randomness that is my brain. There are a few inside jokes. But I think the premise of the sketch has great potential, and I may return to the idea of the guy and the voice in his head. Feel free to take it and edit it as you please.

Narrator (points to Greg) This is Greg. (points to Ben) This is the voice inside of Greg’s head. We all have voices inside of our heads. You know those thoughts that you think that you didn’t mean to think? That just come into your mind? Those random thoughts make up the voice in your head. And so this is Greg. And this is the voice in Greg’s head. Today, Greg has decided that he is going to read his Bible.
Greg I am going to read my Bible.
Ben Boring.
Greg Yes. Sometimes it is boring. But I shall read it anyhow. Because I love God.
Ben Oh, look! The radio!
Greg Hey that’s a radio! I love the radio. I’m going to turn on some music. Maybe that will help me read better.
Ben Yes. I think it will.
Greg (turns the knob on the radio)
Veronica (From behind the radio, begins to sing “these are a few of my favorite things,” soon Ben joins in and then Greg does too.)
Greg (suddenly says) No! This is not helping me read the Bible! (and he turns the radio off)
Ben You are so lame. Music is awesome, reading is lame. You are lame. Hey! You know what’s not lame? TV!
Greg I want to watch TV! Yeah! TV! (flips the remote)
Lem (inside the TV, he springs to life) Oh Rachel, I love you!
Jessica And I love you too, Ross, but you’ll always love your anthology more than me.
Lem It’s called anthropology not anthology!
Ben Ha ha ha! That’s funny!
Greg Ha ha ha! That’s funny!
Ben I wonder what’s on the SciFi Channel?
Greg Hmm, let’s check out the Sci Fi Channel. (points the remote at the TV)
Lem Oh, no Zorbitron! the Nebulons have captured Princess Barbaratron!
Jessica That’s horrible news, Pakitron! I hate those Nebulons! Let’s shoot them with Electric Phason Atom Bomb Guns!
Lem That’s a great plan! (they begin shooting)
Ben Hm, I’ve already seen this one. I wonder what’s on the Food Network.
Greg I think I’ll check out the Food Network. (points at the TV and clicks)
Lem (in some random accent) And then you take the dough and you mash it and roll it and then you mark it with a “b” and you throw it in the oven for baby and me. Hahahaaha.
Jessica Oh, Chef Fransico! You are so funny! And then what do you do?
Lem Well, then you stir in some chicken meat and some ranch dressing and a few tomatoes and walah! You have yourself a chicken ranch carte blanch!
Jessica It looks delicious!
Ben I’m hungry for chicken. Chicken sounds good. Yummy chicken.
Greg I think I’ll go down to Chick-fil-a! (turns off TV)
Ben I’m driving! Oh wait. I’m just a voice in your head. (pauses) Shotgun!
Greg (makes a car noise and moves his hand like he’s driving) Well, here we are at Chick-fil -a!
Ben I think I want the number one.
Kimmy Hey Greg! Welcome to Chick-fil-a, how may I help you?
Greg Oh hi, Kimmy. I would like a number one.
Shannon Coming right up.
Greg (turns from Kimmy) What am I doing at Chick-fil-a? I should be home reading my Bible!
Ben Lalalalalalalalalala!
Greg Lalalalalaallalalla!
Kimmy What are you doing?
Greg I don’t know, I just suddenly felt like lalalalaing.
Kimmy You’re weird. Here’s your food. Have a nice day.
Greg I’m going to take this home, because I need to read my Bible.
Ben Hey was that Kimmy at the register? She’s cute.
Greg Kimmy’s cute. I should go back up there and talk to her. No wait, I think I used to go out with her. That would be so awkward.
Ben No, you went out with Kelly. And that’s only if you define “going out with her” as “sometimes being in the same building as she is.”
Greg No, I think it was Kelly that I used to go out with. Oh no, she’s coming this way. What will I say to her? What will I do?
Ben Well for starters, you should stop talking out loud to nobody.
Kimmy Hey Greg. Are you okay?
Ben He’s fine, leave him alone.
Greg I’m fine, leave me alone.
Kimmy What?
Greg What? Sorry I don’t know why I said that. Actually, I’m having a bad day.
Kimmy Why don’t you tell me about it?
Greg Well, I promised myself and God that I would start reading my Bible, but I’ve just been distracted all day.
Kimmy Maybe you should try harder to stay focused.
Greg You’re right, Kimmy, that’s great advice. That’s exactly what I’ll do! In fact I’m going straight home to do that right now. (he begins to walk out) What’s that buzzing? (picks up his phone) Oh it’s a text message from my dad. “Greg, come home now. It is 7:53 PM. Your bed time is in 7 minutes.” Oh, no! I had no idea it was so late. Now I won’t be able to read my Bible until tomorrow!
Ben Ah, don’t sweat it. You can just read extra tomorrow. (to the audience, he mouths) Yeah, right.
Greg Yeah, I’ll read extra tomorrow. And tomorrow, no more distractions! (suddenly says) No! This is not helping me read the Bible! (and he turns the radio off)
Ben You are so lame. Music is awesome, reading is lame. You are lame. Hey! You know what’s not lame? TV!
Greg I want to watch TV! Yeah! TV! (flips the remote)
Lem (inside the TV, he springs to life) Oh Rachel, I love you!
Jessica And I love you too, Ross, but you’ll always love your anthology more than me.
Lem It’s called anthropology not anthology!
Ben Ha ha ha! That’s funny!
Greg Ha ha ha! That’s funny!
Ben I wonder what’s on the SciFi Channel?
Greg Hmm, let’s check out the Sci Fi Channel. (points the remote at the TV)
Lem Oh, no Zorbitron! the Nebulons have captured Princess Barbaratron!
Jessica That’s horrible news, Pakitron! I hate those Nebulons! Let’s shoot them with Electric Phason Atom Bomb Guns!
Lem That’s a great plan! (they begin shooting)
Ben Hm, I’ve already seen this one. I wonder what’s on the Food Network.
Greg I think I’ll check out the Food Network. (points at the TV and clicks)
Lem (in some random accent) And then you take the dough and you mash it and roll it and then you mark it with a “b” and you throw it in the oven for baby and me. Hahahaaha.
Jessica Oh, Chef Fransico! You are so funny! And then what do you do?
Lem Well, then you stir in some chicken meat and some ranch dressing and a few tomatoes and walah! You have yourself a chicken ranch carte blanch!
Jessica It looks delicious!
Ben I’m hungry for chicken. Chicken sounds good. Yummy chicken.
Greg I think I’ll go down to Chick-fil-a! (turns off TV)
Ben I’m driving! Oh wait. I’m just a voice in your head. (pauses) Shotgun!
Greg (makes a car noise and moves his hand like he’s driving) Well, here we are at Chick-fil -a!
Ben I think I want the number one.
Kimmy Hey Greg! Welcome to Chick-fil-a, how may I help you?
Greg Oh hi, Kimmy. I would like a number one.
Shannon Coming right up.
Greg (turns from Kimmy) What am I doing at Chick-fil-a? I should be home reading my Bible!
Ben Lalalalalalalalalala!
Greg Lalalalalaallalalla!
Kimmy What are you doing?
Greg I don’t know, I just suddenly felt like lalalalaing.
Kimmy You’re weird. Here’s your food. Have a nice day.
Greg I’m going to take this home, because I need to read my Bible.
Ben Hey was that Kimmy at the register? She’s cute.
Greg Kimmy’s cute. I should go back up there and talk to her. No wait, I think I used to go out with her. That would be so awkward.
Ben No, you went out with Kelly. And that’s only if you define “going out with her” as “sometimes being in the same building as she is.”
Greg No, I think it was Kelly that I used to go out with. Oh no, she’s coming this way. What will I say to her? What will I do?
Ben Well for starters, you should stop talking out loud to nobody.
Kimmy Hey Greg. Are you okay?
Ben He’s fine, leave him alone.
Greg I’m fine, leave me alone.
Kimmy What?
Greg What? Sorry I don’t know why I said that. Actually, I’m having a bad day.
Kimmy Why don’t you tell me about it?
Greg Well, I promised myself and God that I would start reading my Bible, but I’ve just been distracted all day.
Kimmy Maybe you should try harder to stay focused.
Greg You’re right, Kimmy, that’s great advice. That’s exactly what I’ll do! In fact I’m going straight home to do that right now. (he begins to walk out) What’s that buzzing? (picks up his phone) Oh it’s a text message from my dad. “Greg, come home now. It is 7:53 PM. Your bed time is in 7 minutes.” Oh, no! I had no idea it was so late. Now I won’t be able to read my Bible until tomorrow!
Ben Ah, don’t sweat it. You can just read extra tomorrow. (to the audience, he mouths) Yeah, right.
Greg Yeah, I’ll read extra tomorrow. And tomorrow, no more distractions!